I’ve shared about this on my instagram and so many people resonated with it, I thought I would elaborate and share here for those who may need to connect about it. Many of us women in this time, in the U.S. at least, don’t really feel like women. When we take a moment to think about it (or when a moment catches us by surprise) we actually feel more like girls. There are many cultural and relational layers to this phenomenon. So many of us women even feel uncomfortable talking about ourselves as women. I heard from women even in their thirties and forties agreeing with this! But WHY?

Here are a few theories out there on why this might be the case for many of us. Some of these are actually quite painful but it’s important to recognize the waters we swim in even if we’re not always conscious of them.

~ Our culture tends to celebrate GIRLS but not WOMEN. Think about the media we consume. The movies, shows, images…most celebrated actresses and models typically have the body type more closely related to a teenager or college girl rather than a mature woman. This subtle yet impactful societal expectation can send messages to our subconscious that it’s better to be more like a girl than a woman.

~ Our history and past traumas, when gone untouched or unresolved, can dictate how we operate from a brain-body-emotional point of view. If we look at the statistics that 1 in 4 women will have experienced some kind of abuse in her life, we can see that 25% of the female population (probably more) have experienced the trauma of abuse. This affects the way we see ourselves and the world around us. For many, it may not feel safe to be fully expressed as a woman.

~ Our thought-patterns, our upbringing, our individualistic culture…. so many more things that I can’t unpack here right now, but I believe all play a role.

One of my most engaged posts recently was about this topic. Here’s what I wrote:

‘Many of us are still trying to learn what it means to embrace ourselves as grown women…’

Here are some comments I received from others on this post:

“Absolutely! I’m in my last five months of my twenties and I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I’ve been a mama since I was 16 and it’s hard to find yourself when you’re so focused on raising tiny humans…”

“Yep! I still feel like a 16 year old girl trapped in an almost 40 year old body. Feel so young next to my friends sometimes.”

“O God, yes. I just turned 38 and I’m wondering how that happened…I still expect to see a 20-something when I look in the mirror.”

“I’m 42 and when I read something about a 42 year old woman, I always feel like she must be much older, wiser person than I am, with a very different life where she has everything together, knows exactly what she wants, etc…”

So, women, if you feel this way, you are not alone!

In fact, I believe it’s very common. And if your reason is unknown, that’s totally ok! And if you have experienced abuse of any kind, please know that you are so so worthy of love, healing, and that you are completely seen by a God who loves you deeply. If you’ve experienced abuse and need someone to talk to, please feel free to reach out to me or find someone to support you.

Ladies, if you feel somehow less than, or like you’re not “living up to” your age, or like you wish you knew yourself better, or like you wish you were able to express a more full, whole, womanly version of yourself….then there are some practical things you can start doing to know and experience life as the WOMAN you were created to be!

I’ve been working with an amazing mentor who is guiding me in this work for myself. Morgan has been through this process in her own life and gave me this practice (along with many others!) to help visualize and learn to come back to the woman you were created to be.

Grab a pen and paper and start with this:

“I am a woman who...”

Just start writing - all the things you know to be true about you. What do you value? What brings you joy? What do you desire? What do you love? What are you good at?

Start writing and start seeing with new eyes the woman you are and the woman you are becoming!

I think we are always changing, and although some things are foundational, we can always be evolving into different versions of ourselves. Taking inventory of the past, dreaming of the future, living in the present is all part of being a woman living in her wholeness.

Here’s a glimpse into my ongoing list:

I am a woman who values Love.

I am a woman who desires belonging and deep connection (to God, to self, to others).

I am a woman longs for freedom.

I am a woman devoted to healing (for myself and others).

I am a woman devoted to God in all the ways God shows up (Holy Spirit, Creation, Jesus, poetry, my babies, Beauty, music, other people, the moon cycles and sunrises, art, Mystery...)

I am a woman who desires JOY. Deep, life-giving, inspiring joy.

I am a woman who give her Presence and knows it’s important.

I am a woman who sees a hopeful future.

I am a woman who desires to light a path for others.

…..

✨ So tell me, what kind of woman are you!? ✨

Comment below or better yet, make a post and tag me on instagram!

I’d love to celebrate the woman you are and the woman you are becoming.

To the Woman who still feels like a Girl…

So, women, if you feel this way, you are not alone!

“I am a woman who...”

✨ So tell me, what kind of woman are you!? ✨